Is the foundation of your marriage concrete strong or prone to pockets of quicksand?
When I consider the foundation of my home, it’s in absolutely alignment with how I view the foundation of my marriage. Right from the start, when we began building our home, it took forever for the builder to get to the point where they laid the foundation of our house. They dug a hole and then nothing. It just sat there, empty. It gave us an idea of what to expect, allowing us just enough excitement to start planning the future of our home. That enormous hole also allowed room for our emotions to stir up creating some serious anxiety, question and wonder… are we doing the right thing? Once that foundation was set, let me tell you, from frame to door bell, it was fast and furious until completion.
Our marriage, from building the foundation of our relationship to where we are now, wasn’t so unlike building our home. We started dating, things were rolling, nothing too significant. I found out I was pregnant, and had a quiet pregnancy with minimal hiccups until the miniStarlite was born. From the time they pried that squealing little beasty out of my body, to handing us the keys of our first home, it’s been a hell of a ride. These last 17 years have been unrelenting with demand. With the baby turning 16 in just a few short months, however, there is a sigh of relief at bay. We’re coming to that realization that not only is it getting easier, but we made it. Now, we may have accrued several battle scars along the way, but we’re still in one piece, we’re still together, and we’ve raised an incredible young woman who’ll be able to positively contribute to society.
The Cosmic Bond That Keeps Us Strong
I took a moment to sit in quiet contemplation and considered the foundation of our home as it relates to the foundation of our marriage, and wondered, is it as strong as the concrete that holds this house together? Or are we sitting on quick sand, and a prayer? We all have different aspects holding together the sacral base of our vows, but I really wanted a good strong if not tangible connection. I truly wanted an answer that didn’t feel as easy as “it’s our love that keeps us together”. Love is powerful, granted, but I needed a more substantial conclusion. In this space of quiet, I was inspired by two thoughts as it related to our foundation: friendship and elemental compatibility. Friendship being our physical guide and elemental compatibility (which I’ll discuss in another blog), our spiritual guide.
As soon as Spirit whispered the word friendship, I had an inner body standing ovation. The reason I was all in and in complete gratituted with Spirit’s help on this one, is because friendship is our Truth!! Before the romance, dating, parenting, engagement… before all of it, was our friendship. Our buddy buddy system had been well established before we ever said I do. We were friends in high school, long before we even considered each other romantically. Having side by side lockers at 16 years old has everything to do with the fact that we’re still sharing our space today. Knowing each other since we were shithead teenagers has helped us weather the storm.
"The reason I was all in and in complete
gratitude with Spirit’s help on this one,
is because friendship is our Truth!!"
A Lesson in Marriage Brought To You By Home Renovation Shows
Did or do you ever watch those home renovations shows like Love It Or List It? Looking back at them now, I have a new perspective on the importance of the foundations of the homes they were working on. Anytime the validity of a home was being considered, the foundation was the first thing they'd look at. After a flood, major storm or environmental disaster, the first thing that people want to know is the condition of the foundation. If it’s strong, rebuild. If it’s broken, well… it might be time to have one of those strong, come to Jesus type conversations.
Our marriage has withstood the test of time, thus far, and Universe willing, will withstand several more decades to come. We’ve had our hurricanes and tornadoes barrel through, shake things up, ultimately seeping it’s way into our marriage.
Not having any more children is one of those storms I wasn’t sure that we were going to weather, as it wasn’t my decision. Over time, I’ve come to understand that it was the best decision for our family, and that understanding has sealed a lot of the damage done. The resentment is gone, living-in-the-past arguments have all but ended, and the fundamental loss of how I envisioned our family and my future has healed. All the underneath stuff, the groundwork is sorted. If you look close enough, though, you can still see where the repairs were made; a small stretch mark on the surface of our marriage. In order to find my way back, our way back through that dark time, we had to go back to the basics, and survive on our friendship.