Strengthen Your Marriage: 4 Marital Blueprint Questions You Should Ask

Newly wed couple, husband looking concerned

6 minute read

One of the things that I realized when building our home, is how similar it is in the building of a relationship. It got me to thinking, as couples, how much time and effort do we actually spend planning and understanding the purpose of our marriage?

In the Early Phase of Marriage

At the blueprint stage of your marriage, you’ve successfully made it through the dating, wedding and honeymoon phase. In the following years, just like with your home, you have the opportunity to make renovations and upgrades, allowing for growth and renewed strength to an already established foundation. You get to plan for, and choose a layout that best suits your lifestyle and the needs of a potentially growing family.

The comparison ends here though, as let’s be honest, how many of us put as much planning into our marriage as we do when planning to finish the basement, or renovate the bathrooms? A lot of time and effort goes into this. Deep conversation, and allocated time is invested when making the decision to work on the home for two reasons:

  1. The financial investment you’re about to make.

  2. The roof over your head is your fixed space of security, and you’re about to change the essence of it.

Your home houses the dynamics of your family, and acts as a tangible representation of who you are. It’s clear to me now, that the manStar and I did not put as much energy or time planning the purpose and future of our marriage as we did in planning the purpose and future of our home. It just never occured to me that we needed to plan our marriage in the same way. We had our wedding, and I guess from there, the expectation was to just… make it work. Can you imagine investing half a million dollars into your home, and showing up 18 months later to see ‘how it’s going? Me either, and yet that’s kinda how we’ve made our marriage work. Fortunately, we haven’t had any Oz like tornadoes storm through our path.

“It’s clear to me now, that the manStar and I did not put as much energy or time planning the purpose and future of our marriage as we did in planning the purpose and future of our home.”

Our Blueprint in Three Phases

I - The Baby Phase

As a couple, we invested our time in three main areas with respect to building our home. The unequivocal, non-negotiable decisions were determined by us as parents. From life insurance to the walk-in closet in our daughter’s bedroom, we didn’t even need to communicate that the baby’s needs were to be met first and foremost. And when you have a child that needs stability and time to transition, you’ll know how important it is to plan for major change with the least amount of disruption.

We managed to minimize the impact of a massive change by establishing the perfect location. Uprooting our daughter’s comfort wasn’t an option. By the end of grade 4, we’d moved our sweet girl across the country four times. By the age of 10, she’d had 10 different bedrooms. That last move back to Alberta, we knew we’d pushed our very structured child to the very edge of what her mental health was capable of processing. When moving this time around, we knew uprooting her again needed to be a thoughtful process with respect to, again, her mental health, social connections and continued academic success. We moved four blocks down, insert shrug.

II - His and Hers ~ The Phase of Independence

HIS - Once we knew the needs of our daughter were met, we really focused on what we wanted and needed, as individuals. The manStar NEEDED his cubbies. Ultimately, it has served us well as a family, but let me tell you, when he saw these cubbies in one of the show homes… cue Metallica... nothing else mattered. After years of being together, there are things you learn to do; picking and choosing your battles over behaviours that won’t change is something we’ve excelled at.

One such behaviour is my ability draw t