As a working mom, work life balance must be your priority.
#inspiredbytarot ~ The Sun | Temperance
By the time I get home work, I don't want to be needed for anything. I don't want to give my opinion, I don't want to be asked questions, I don't want to make decisions.
I love my job. I love my family.
I just don't want to be needed all the time.
I get paid to be needed at work.
"My anxiety has led me to believe that being needed at home
gets me a kick in the ass
and a to-do list
the size of a football field."
For me, my anxiety kicks in the minute I get into the car to go home.
My biggest challenge is the little things that I let get out of control because the exhaustion of my 9 to 5 made me indecisive. In recent months, I've been so mentally shut out, I've been allowing myself 'one decision' a day.
Now that I'm feeling better, more awake, I'm seeing my mess. I'm working through it, piece by piece. Paperwork and after 4p appointments is my current 'GYST' mission. Here are a few things I've been working on as I conquer my at-home-anxiety:
1. Broken car heater: Make appointment, drop off car, wait to get a ride to work or take transit, wait for quote, leave work early, pick up car, pay, go home. I'D RATHER HAVE A BROKEN CAR. I'm in the red.
RECENT WIN: The brakes are finally fixed. The hole in my tire? A screw. Fixed. The passenger side heater that we finally fixed two weeks ago after a year of not dealing with it? Not the $400 thermostat we just paid for, technical thing I guess, has to go to the dealership. Back to square one. Slight bump in anxiety.
2. Interior Design Appointments: manStar "Go ahead and book the appointments, I'm fine anytime." I should know better, because nothing is "just go ahead" with my husband. EVERYTHING is a little delayed with him and takes thorough due process before a decision can be made. I postpone making any appointments; I know it's going to end up with us fighting because nothing will work for him. Case and point, I finally make the calls, I have Lori on the phone...
"manStar, does this work for you?"
"Okay, well how about this and this?" Long pause no answer.
Long story short, I apologize to Lori and get off the phone and find out only one day works, in the afternoon, but before 3p. I'm in the red.
RECENT WIN: We only have two more appointments two book, and I'm in the clear.
*update, just got an email from our sales rep for the house, she's annoyed with us because we're behind on booking appointments. Now I'm in the blue (think of it like this, if red is high, blue is severe).
3. Passport: It's expired well over two years. Now I need a guarantor, and two references. And I have to get pictures. And I have to drop it off at Service Canada. It will need to be arranged with my work schedule. Pictures will need to be arranged with the miniStarlite's schedule (because we only have one car). If I'm lucky, I might be able to ask the manStar to swing by somewhere right after work, and he won't be tired or irritated with me considering I've been trying to get my passport renewed for almost 2 years.
#funfact - I got passport pictures last year November, they've now expired and I have to get them again. My guarantor filled out the paperwork in August.
I'm definitely in the red.
RECENT WIN: I have everything filled out, organized and ready to go. All I have to do now is get those damn pictures at a time when I can also drop off my passport. Slight bump in my anxiety.
4. Clicky Knee x-ray: It started last year with an inflammation in my ankle, and it set me back. Like, a total dead stop with respect to my workouts, which ultimately led to a massive setback in my eating habits. FFWD to today, an extra 30 lbs and a knee that was never good to begin with has deteriorated to the point of chronic pain. To fix my knee means another appointment, scheduled again around the miniStarlite's schedule, the manStar's mood, my work schedule and clinic hours. I'm in the red. I also know that a convo with the doctor is going to lead to him telling me about my cholesterol, blood pressure and the fact that I've gained an enormous amount of weight in a very short period of time. Now I'm flat out blue,
RECENT WIN: I finally got my knee checked earlier this week, last minute decision, and instead of waiting to book an x-ray appointment, which would have led to me not going at all, I got it done immediately after. All the worry about the manStar being annoyed with me... all in my head. As always, he was super supportive. Just got the call from the clinic and I have a follow up appointment on Sunday. Slight bump in anxiety.
GYST ~ If you're at the beginning of your journey like I am, here's two starting points that will have you feeling like you're moving forward:
1. Determine what's broken - and fix it. In each of your four life foundations, pick one thing that's broken, and make a plan to get them fixed; your four life foundations include Home, Health, Finances and Relationships. Once you've completed a task on your list, add another element, until you've successfully fixed all that you can within each element. Celebrate each success, as each fait-accompli is is a step towards life-balance.
In my Home Foundation, I'm working on my car. Financing comes to an end this year, and I'd really like to have it in the kind of condition that is going to get us the best bang for our buck. It's currently in serious disarray, kinda like me. It is a reflection of where I am. A well managed and maintained car would mean a well managed and maintained SweetWife.
2. Know what has an expiry date/deadline - and meet it. Make a list of everything that has an expiry date, and organize it so that you can work through it chronologically with a mission to renew, return, replace. When you look at your list, don't get overwhelmed. And definitely don't feel guilty. There is going to be things on that list that have expired. Focus on the fact that now you know. Now you can make a plan. Now you can make a difference. As things come up, add it to your list. As you finish them, knock 'em off.
Top three things on my list? Passport (this is my 911), home insurance and car renewals, and makeup return.
As a mom who works outside the home, where does you're anxiety show up?
At home or at work?
Forever Finding Duende,
)o( Amanda )o(