My Bleeding Heart is at the Bottom of The Ocean


Photo by Manuel M. Almeida on Unsplash

#inspiredbytarot ~ In our darkest moments, the devil is disguised by the cry for sleep.

Untie the blindfold, sweet child, and let the waters of the sea awaken your soul.

The Devil | 8 of Swords

Every full moon, I get really excited by the opportunity to work with one of Ethony's Full moon Tarot spreads. I recently came across the Tarot Illuminati deck, and fell in love. I was able to get pick up the deck, go through each card, and was even more thrilled by the time I sifted through each one. My Spirit Whispers were immediate, and truth be told, I had connected by the time I gotten to The Hermit. I can tell already, that I'm going to spend a lifetime working my way through this deck, my life story evident in the artwork. The timing for this deck to enter my life is also significant, as you'll see by my first reading with Her.

My reading started with a quick deck intro:

Where am I at the time of introduction to the energy of this deck? The 3 of Swords. In my previous blog I mentioned that my journey is to continue in the house of the King of Cups, so I immediately connected with this card, as the art work of the 3 of Swords is literally at the heart of a gate that opens to the ocean, and I'm making the transition from the House of Swords. My initial reaction is that I need to heal three internal issues whilst the realm of the Sea King: Depression, Disappointment and Heart Health.

"I am not surprised that my connection to this deck is the immediate placement of distress that I've been dealing with over the last few months..."

Having just left the house of The Queen of Swords, I am not surprised that my connection to this deck is the immediate placement of distress that I've been dealing with over the last few months as portrayed by the 3 of Swords. The next 5 cards I picked represent my journey over the next year with this particular deck, and life in general:

It is fitting that my next card be the 4 of Swords. I've already acknowledged that I have been in distress and working at a high level of angst. My surrender is rewarded by a time of healing in an environment that is the essence of the King of Cups... Master Healer and Giver of Compassion.

The ability for me to heal, is, well... ironic, as the second of 5 cards is... you guessed it, The Prince of Pentacles. I'm not sure how I'm going to handle him not showing up at every turn. During my time with the 4 of Swords, I will be taking the time to heal mentally, and Peter will continue to act as my sponsor. As he is also a reflection of the fall season, I feel like I will really be getting a better sense of movement and going forward, in a better physical state, come the fall.

At that time, I will be met with The Chariot. So far, this is my favourite depiction of this particular card. It is powerful, and I can feel the sense of direction and dedication. There is a palpable sense of power in this card, and I look forward to being allowed to embrace and have this energy on my side. My road to healing will require commitment and dedication. Unlike the past 12 months, flexibility will not be a part of my vocabulary. Focus. Focus. Focus.

Tradition. Ritual. Sacrifice. At first I was a little shocked to come across The Hierophant, however, the more I think about it, the more it makes sense. I've always claimed to able to "run with it". I'm looking at these behaviours and this attitude smack in the face, and it's landed me ass backwards into a pile of regret and starting-overs. I think I look forward to working within the realm of structure, as it is so against what I typically do and have done. I've gotten as far as I can with that attitude, and while I've achieved many a successes, I've maxed out, and lady luck is forcing me to take the wheel of destiny.

As destiny would have it, I will round out my last days with the King of Cups being seated at his table with the 4 of Pentacles. I am encouraged by the fact that my ability to take ownership for my actions is essentially around the corner, and that I will be rewarded with a sense of structure and well being.

And at the end of it all, I am rewarded with the 7 of Cups. Generally, this card gives me hives, and cause for pause. However, I have a plan of heading to Vegas when I turn 40, and this kind of solidifies for me that should I choose to listen to my Spirit Whispers, I'll be able to celebrate all that I've been given and gone through with some escapism and indulgence.